Mulder and Scully in Sirius Trouble
by Plaidly Lush
Summary: Mulder and Scully get it on!... almost. They would, if they weren't interrupted...ahem. Anyway, RR. Rating for sexual content.
1. Guidelines

My friend Sarah wrote some guidelines, and I reluctantly respond. No, I respond eagerly. No, with gusto! Ok, seriously, though. This is my first guideline-d story, and my first fanfic. Constructive criticism is welcome, but criticism like "you suck" is not constructive. Please keep this in mind. Oh, yeah, and please laugh at least once while reading my story.   
  
Guidelines:   
  
Limit of 6 named characters  
x-files based  
Mulder and Scully really want each other, but someone keeps following them around to prevent them from…you know  
One person has an ardent desire to dance naked through wherever they are(not Mulder)  
Optional appearances-  
Xena, Krycek, Cigarette-Smoking man, Bambi the entomologist, not the deer, Giant sunflower seed monster, Winnie the pooh, Death (required), Foul Ole Ron, The Easter Bunny, Captain Picard  
Required lines-  
"And then this giant woman named Maud came up and smacked me on the ass."   
"*My* underwear? Puce."  
"He/she threw up in my fish tank." Mulder  
(in response to a good offer) "And if I refuse?"   
"Captain Ahab was crazy, Starbuck was a wuss, Queequeg was stupid. That simple."   
"Yeah, and you're the dick, Moby."   
Following techno babble "What the HELL did you just say?" "We're fucked" "Ah"  
"You'd better not queef in my chair."   
"Damn. And I just ordered a pizza."   
"Admiral Jenkins will debrief you." "On a first date?"   
  
Required situations-  
Spitball to the back of someone's head  
One disaster that winds up covering everyone in marshmallow  
A horny skunk  
Plot- six people stuck somewhere isolated, with some bad guy stalking around nearby. Impending doom, and rising tensions because of cramped quarters.   
  
Ok, so sit back and enjoy. I've finished the first chapter. It should be up within a week. Continue on to prologue, please! I need readers!!! 


	2. Prologue A Cupboard Full of Sunflower Se...

For those of you who are still with me, I congratulate and thank you. Here we go.   
  
Prologue- A Cupboard Full of Sunflower Seeds  
  
"They'll never take me alive!" Booligans, the homicidal maniac, shouted as he was carried away in a straight jacket (A/N they used to use crooked jackets, but their were too many complaints). They had found him hiding in a remote old mansion, probably originally belonging to some reclusive, eccentric, miserly, ancient man. The team was hard at work, closing all the windows and doors in the house. For some reason, they were all open. Ignoring this as unimportant, Scully sat cross-legged in a chair in the living room. Mulder walked in a moment later, carrying a bowl of sunflower seeds.  
  
"You know there's a whole cupboard full of these?" he told her excitedly.   
  
"Wow." Scully's sarcasm was not lost on Mulder, who did nothing to respond. He sat down, picking up seeds randomly and dropping them back in the bowl as he chewed.   
  
The team was heading out the door, apparently finished in their task. "You guys comin'?" the last guy out asked them.  
  
"In a minute. Go on ahead," Mulder waved the man out. He pulled the front door shut as he left. When Mulder was sure they had all gone, he turned to his partner. "Scully, are you all right?"   
  
"I'm fine," she said quietly.  
  
"Are you sure? Because, you know, being held hostage and all-"   
  
"I'm *fine*," Scully interrupted, annoyed. She stood quickly and stalked to the door. "Let's go," she snapped.   
  
Reluctantly, Mulder set aside the bowl of sunflower seeds. Thinking better of it, he shrugged and picked it up again.   
  
"Mulder…" Scully said, sounding confused.   
  
"Yeah?" He said through a new mouthful of seeds.   
  
"The door won't open."   
  
Mulder stopped chewing. He tried the door himself, only to find that it would not open. Not that he doubted Scully, but with being held hostage and all… "Are you okay?"  
  
She raised an eyebrow at him. "I'm fine," she said calmly. Mulder followed her, popping seeds into his mouth, as she attempted to pry open a door or window. All were sealed tight. Scully turned to face Mulder. "I think we're stuck in here."   
  
"Damn. And I just ordered a pizza." 


	3. 1 The Magical Electrical Current of Doom

I promised chapter 1, so here it is. I have to change the rating because chapter 2 gets a little less PG. So yeah. Anyway-   
  
Chapter 1- The Magical Electric Current of Doom  
  
"Mulder? Mulder! Are you listening?" Scully said exasperatedly.   
  
"What! Yeah, sorry," he replied, starting. He looked down at the top of the table, then back up at Scully's expectant face. "No." Mulder had, in fact, tried to listen, but found himself lost in her eyes.   
  
"Where did I lose you?"   
  
"Somewhere around 'this'*."   
  
(*A/N: Scully said, at the beginning of their conversation, "This is ridiculous." didn't take long for Mulder to get distracted, did it?)  
  
Scully rolled her eyes. "I was saying, we've tried every door and window, and none will budge. We can't just stay here forever. There must be some logical reason for this."   
  
(A/N: That depends on your definition of logic, Scully)  
  
"Well, you can search for that reason. In the meantime, I'll have a look around this house." With that, Mulder left his partner tapping her foot impatiently.  
  
Mulder was vastly disappointed with the structure of the building. There were no hidden passageways or secret compartments, no rooms filled with rare and important artifacts. Aside from the carved, welded, and sketched snakes everywhere, it appeared to be a mere everyday mansion. Sighing, Mulder turned to make his way down to the kitchen when he felt something disgustingly wet hit him in the back of the head. He reached up, making a face when he touched the moist, slimy object. Examining it, he found that it was a spitball. Making a strangled sound of disgust, he flung the wad of saliva-soaked paper across the hall.   
  
"Ah, that was quite a wad, that was," a British accent said behind him.   
  
"Will you *please* cut it out while we wait for Sirius?" a female British accent said, in a very Scully-esque manner.   
  
A strange popping sound proceeded. After wiping the spit off his neck, Mulder turned to see an attractive, middle-aged man with dark hair appear between two teenagers in the hall. Mulder emitted a high-pitched yell as he fell backwards.   
  
(A/N: like in Jose Chung's From Outer Space)  
  
"Sirius, you said that the house would be empty," the girl on his left said. She had brown hair and a very know-it-all attitude. She crossed her arms as she peered up at the man.   
  
"I expected it would be," he retorted. He narrowed his eyes at Mulder, sizing him up, and then offered a hand. Mulder accepted and was on his feet again a moment later.   
  
"Thanks," he mumbled. "Um, I'm Mulder."   
  
"Hello, Mulder. This is Hermione Granger," he indicated the girl, "Ron Weasley," he waved a hand at the red-haired boy, who was paying absolutely no attention. "I'm Sirius Black."   
  
"Your name is Serious?" Mulder scratched his head where the spitball had hit.   
  
"Yes, that's right," the man said absently. "Before we say anything else, I'm starved."   
  
"Honestly, Sirius," Hermione said with a vocal eye roll.   
  
"Hermione, there is always time for a snack. I'll go get some of my sunflower seeds."   
  
Mulder froze. "What… *your* sunflower seeds?"   
  
"Yep." Sirius started toward the kitchen. Mulder followed, his heart sinking. "I stored them here, one summer while I was still at Hogwarts."   
  
Hogwarts? Mulder thought.   
  
"I used to live close by- well, as close as any house is to this place. Peter and I used to come here all the time. Of course, when we met James, he joined us. Sometimes Lily would come, too. Oh, and of course Remus, when he was… well, you know…"   
  
"Sirius," Hermione warned. He fell silent.   
  
"Well, yes, so what brings you here, Mulder?"   
  
"Well, my partner and I were here to catch a murderer," he began.   
  
"Cripes!" Hermione shuddered.   
  
"He's gone now," Mulder said quickly.   
  
"For what?" Sirius asked.   
  
"Huh?"  
  
"What is he your partner for?"   
  
"*She*," Mulder corrected. "The FBI."   
  
"What, Frenzied Blokes In bikinis?" the boy named Ron said as he came up behind them. Sirius grinned and Hermione shook her head.   
  
"No," Mulder said slowly. "Wouldn't that be FBIB?"   
  
"Why?" Ron wondered, puzzled.   
  
"Well, bikinis, you know, it starts with…" Mulder looked around at three confused faces and gave up. "Never mind. So we were here to get the murderer-"  
  
"A murderer! Wow!" Ron said.   
  
"Ron, really! Let the man finish!" Hermione scolded.   
  
"And then when we tried to leave, none of the doors or windows would open."   
  
A seed fell out of Sirius's hand, and Mulder rushed to scoop it up. How could the man waste a sunflower seed like that?  
  
"None of them?" Ron asked incredulously.   
  
"Are you sure you were pulling hard enough?" Hermione said, sounding quite the skeptic.   
  
"Let me introduce you to my partner," he said to them, wandering from the kitchen. He found Scully in the living room, where the two of them had started out. "Scully, these are, um…"   
  
"Sirius Black, Ronald Weasley, Hermione Granger," the girl said, indicating each in turn.   
  
"What she said," Mulder told Scully. "And you three, this is my partner, Dana Scully. Special agent for the FBI," he added as an afterthought.  
  
"The Frenzied Blokes In bikinis?" Sirius grinned.   
  
Scully was hit with confusion. "What?"   
  
"We already went over this," Mulder sighed.   
  
"FBI is an acronym for Federal Bureau of Investigation," Scully explained, still confused.   
  
"Well, that's a bit boring, eh?" Ron commented. He smiled wickedly. "You know what isn't boring, though. Sirius's middle name is I-"   
  
"You even think about it, you'll crap porcupines for a week. Or maybe pineapples. Or both…" Sirius tapped his chin thoughtfully. Mulder shuddered at the mental image.   
  
"Nice to meet you," Scully said in an indifferently confused voice. "Mulder, look at this. I found the old blueprints and deeds for the house. It was originally built hundreds of years ago, for a man called Salazaar Slytherin." She had a hard time pronouncing the name. The three Britons stopped dead. "It's been passed down and rebuilt by generations of people with strange names. But this last inheritance contract is strange. The man it came to disappeared, but according to these papers he still owns the house."   
  
"What's the disappearing man's name?" Mulder asked, sneaking a sunflower seed.   
  
"Tom Riddle," Scully replied, shuffling through the piles of old papers.   
  
Sirius and Ron choked, and Hermione's eyes went wide as she gasped.   
  
"What!" Sirius exclaimed. His eyes darted around, suddenly suspicious.   
  
"I guess that explains the snakes," Ron muttered.   
  
"Do you know him?" Scully asked.   
  
Sirius turned very serious. "Everyone knows him."  
  
"I don't," Mulder volunteered.   
  
"They're Muggles, Sirius," Hermione reminded him.  
  
"Ah, yes. In the wizarding world, there is a wizard who went bad. Very bad. His name growing up was Tom Marvolo Riddle. His name as an evil wizard is Lord Voldemort."   
  
Hermione's countenance glowered at the name, and Ron winced. Apparently this name had meaning to them. It had none to either Mulder or Scully, but once Sirius's short speech had sunk in, Mulder said, "Wizards?"   
  
"Yes, we are wizards," Sirius said. "And, of course, a witch," he said to Hermione's throat-clearing.   
  
"Well, is there some kind of magic thingy you can do to unlock the doors?" Mulder wondered.   
  
"Hermione, would you do the honors?" Sirius asked.   
  
Serious-faced, she took out a long wooden wand. Concentrating very hard, she waved the wand and spoke clearly, "Alohomora!" Mulder and Scully exchanged a look. "Well, go on, try the door."   
  
Mulder walked to the door, turned the handle, and pulled. Nothing happened. He pulled again. Nothing happened. He pulled again. Nothing happened. He turned from the door and looked at the others. "I don't think it worked."   
  
"Try Disapparating," Ron suggested.   
  
Sirius disappeared, and he reappeared again a second later. "Oh, my. I suppose that didn't work either," Tapping his chin, he thought of what might be causing this. "Hmm…no, that would…but maybe…it would have to be underneath…follow me." After pacing while he mused, Sirius gestured to the others as he searched for a staircase leading in a downward direction.   
  
In a few minutes, all stood in the mansion's cellar, watching Sirius mutter spells to uncover the cause of their predicament. Eventually, a section of the floor was pulled out to reveal a contraption of wires and metal.   
  
Surprised, Mulder bent to inspect it. He reported his findings to the others. "These wires are insulated electrical conductors. Under normal circumstances, we could walk on them and nothing would happen. You see how the insulation is punctured, here, and here? Vented in such a way, it produces and electric current with a span of approximately fourteen millimeters. What I don't understand, though, is that even with all these wires together, the current couldn't fill the basement."   
  
"There is an Engorgement Charm around this," Sirius offered.   
  
"An Engorgement Charm?" Scully repeated.   
  
"Simply put, a spell that enlarges."   
  
"How strong can this charm be?" Mulder asked.   
  
"Depends on the wizard," Sirius said. "…or witch," he added to Hermione's throat-clearing.   
  
"If what you say is true, can this charm be very strong? Hmm. Increased by the right amount, this current could extend to the exits to the house, fusing the openings. These wires are often used in electric fusion bombs, used to close off entire segments of buildings. Unless we can somehow reverse and defuse the current, I would say that the device is impossible to bypass."   
  
Scully, who had been only mostly listening, said after the lapse of a moment, "What the HELL did you just say?"   
  
Mulder looked up at her with deep green eyes. "We're fucked."   
  
(A/N: that's right- GREEN!!!!!!!!!!!)  
  
"Ah." Scully scanned the ceiling, as though looking for confirmation.   
  
"Ah, yes. Well, that happens sometimes," Sirius said, with a very ponderous but hopelessly helpless look on his face. "We are going to have to do some Sirius thinking."   
  
"You mean serious thinking?" Scully said absently.   
  
"Sirius thinking. You know, where I…never mind." He began to wander to the opposite wall.  
  
"But why can't we Disapparate?" Ron asked, rubbing his forehead in confusion.   
  
"Magic is involved, Ron," Hermione said. "Listen, you know how electronic devices don't work inside Hogwarts grounds? Well, I think it works the other way around. Maybe the electricity is so strong that it interferes with our magic."   
  
"All of it, or just magic having to do with leaving the mansion?" Ron wondered aloud.   
  
Raising an eyebrow, Hermione produced her wand and muttered to herself. A life-sized tiger of smoke appeared. She whispered some more words, and a pleasant wind blew it away. "No, Ron, I think that our magic works if we're not trying to escape."  
  
"That's good," Sirius said from mid-staircase. No one had seen him ascend the stairs, and none saw him return to the floor, but a moment later he bas back beside Hermione. "Why don't we try to use the counter charm? You too, Ron, you ought to know it by now."   
  
All with doubtful looks, all pointed their wands and said a word. Mulder tried the door leading outside from the cellar. "Nope," he shrugged. Scully was still staring at the ceiling.   
  
"Maybe our magic really won't work," Ron said worriedly.   
  
Sirius shook his head. "I don't think it's that, either," Hermione agreed. "The spell must be triggered." Sirius, from the top of the stairs, disclosed his agreement. Hermione followed behind. Ron trotted after her, and after easing Scully from her ceiling trance, Mulder climbed the stairs.   
  
"Well what is it?" Mulder asked.   
  
"What is what?"   
  
"The trigger," Mulder clarified, looking to Sirius and Hermione for the answer.   
  
They exchanged glances. "Isn't it obvious?" Hermione said. Mulder shook his head. Rolling her eyes, Hermione gestured to the doorpost, and she touched one of the handles to a cabinet. "Parseltongue."   
  
"What, we all have to eat parsley? Is there any parsley around here?" Mulder was confused.   
  
"No, *Parsel*tongue. Not parsley. Parseltongue, the language of the snakes," Hermione explained exasperatedly.   
  
"Snakes!" Mulder exclaimed.   
  
"Yes, snakes," Sirius nodded. "Unfortunately, none of us have this talent. It seems that we really are stuck here."   
  
"Harry, when he comes, he can get us out," Hermione said.   
  
"Yeah! Like the Chamber of Secrets in our second year." Ron looked hopefully excited.   
  
"Exactly." Hermione looked up at Sirius. "Um, shouldn't Harry be here by now?"   
  
"Well, yes," Sirius answered. "But I wouldn't worry. He probably just got held up somewhere."   
  
Looking worried, Ron nodded vigorously. "Yeah."   
  
A shadowy figure passed the window. All five of them stared out into the darkening night.   
  
"Maybe we should all go to bed," Sirius suggested. "We can figure this out tomorrow."   
  
And so the five of them started toward the stairs. Once they had found the bedrooms, the three magically inclined persons slipped into separate rooms, leaving Mulder and Scully alone in the hallway.   
  
"I'll be in this room, next to yours. If you need anything, just come in," Mulder said.   
  
"Thanks," Scully replied. She looked up at Mulder. Mulder looked down at her. They looked at each other. Mulder wanted to close the space between them, but a moment later, Scully closed the door to her room.   
  
Sighing, Mulder went to his own room and began to undress for bed.   
  
(End)  
  
Tantalizing. I'll leave you with this teaser for Chapter 2.   
  
"Scully, you're wearing pink."   
  
"I could get used to it."   
  
"You're wearing tiny cartoon sheep."   
  
Scully looked down at herself and shrugged. "It's not so bad."   
  
Now, doesn't that interest you? Yeah, so anyone who got this far, please review.   
  
Thanks to ShoeGal- Yay! My first and only review! I am glad you liked it. 


	4. 2 Close Encounters of the Sexual Kind

Okay, here it is! I know the tantalizing teaser had my two readers wondering. That's right, two. I have more than one!! Woo!! Seriously, though, this took longer than I wanted, but here it is!!   
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nothing, I tell you!! Except Admiral Jenkins, who appears in chapter 3.   
  
Chapter 2- Close Encounters of the Sexual Kind  
  
Mulder heard himself mutter, "Captain Ahab was crazy, Starbuck was a wuss, Queequeg was stupid. That simple?"  
  
Scully's voice replied, "Yeah, and you're the dick, Moby."   
  
His eyes flickered open. A few feet from the bed, Scully sat comfortably in a large wooden chair. "What are you doing in here?" he asked.   
  
"What, don't you want me to be in here?"  
  
"No, I- well, yes- I do," he struggled. "I was just wondering."   
  
"I couldn't sleep," Scully said. Mulder took a closer look. His partner was dressed in very cutesy sheep pajamas. "Can we talk a little, until I get tired?"   
  
"What are you wearing?"  
  
"What? Oh, these? Hermione lent them to me. I thought they were fun. Don't you agree?"   
  
"Scully, you're wearing pink."   
  
"I could get used to it."   
  
"You're wearing tiny sheep."   
  
Scully looked down at herself and shrugged. "It's not so bad."   
  
Mulder shook his head. Maybe he was having a very realistically bizarre dream. Or a bizarrely realistic dream. Hearing noise, he pulled open the door to find Ron whirling down the hall, wearing nothing but a bright yellow fedora. Choosing to ignore the teen's lack of clothes, Mulder closed the door and turned back to Scully.   
  
"What did you want to talk about?"   
  
Scully was silent. She seemed to be pondering how to phrase something. "Have you ever felt like there was something you wanted, more than anything, but something kept you from having it?"   
  
Staring into her eyes, Mulder almost forgot to answer. "Yes. God yes."   
  
"So you know what I'm saying, then?" her eyes twinkled suggestively.   
  
"You have no idea." Mulder wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and kiss her, but he was not sure how she would respond. He could not be sure of anything these days.   
  
They stared at each other, the tension growing each moment. Mulder watched her chest rise and fall, deeper with every breath. In another moment, he knew that he was about to have his longtime wish granted.   
  
Just then, Sirius poked his head in the door. "I hope I am not disturbing you." Mulder and Scully both looked at him. Mulder was about to burst (A/N: wink, wink) with desire.  
  
"No, what is it?" Scully asked.  
  
"I have been having the most intriguing dreams," Sirius began. "Is dream interpretation something you are familiar with?"   
  
"I'll be right back," Mulder muttered, and left to find a bathroom.   
  
He splashed cold water on his face and the back of his neck. Picking up a towel, he let out a disappointed sigh. Almost…but it was probably for the best. *What am I thinking? This was my Scully fantasy in real life!*   
  
Very disheartened, and just barely daring to hope that another occurrence along the same lines would happen again. Mulder trudged back to his room.   
  
Scully and Sirius had migrated to the hallway. Mulder approached in time to hear, "And then this giant woman named Maud came up and smacked me on the ass. She gave me a yellow daisy with blue spots and skipped away. So what do you think?"   
  
Ron came whirling back down the hall. "Ron, you can whirl all you want, but will you please put on some clothes?" Sirius said, his voice playfully chastising.   
  
Ron shook his head.   
  
"Ronald Weasley, put some clothes on or will dress you. You won't like it, I promise," Sirius said sternly, hands on hips.   
  
"Fine! Spoil all my fun!" Ron burst out. He ceased to whirl. Instead, he tossed his hair and sauntered down the hall to his room, nose in the air. Mulder did his very best not to look.   
  
"Hmm, not half bad," Scully remarked. She was looking.   
  
"Scully!" Mulder exclaimed. Wide-eyed, she turned to look him in the eye. Mulder gave up. "Never mind. I'm going to bed."   
  
Back in his room, Mulder could not sleep. After such a thing almost happening, he was restless. He threw the blanket aside and went to the window. Not expecting it to open, he pushed a little. The window did not budge. Mulder sighed and resigned himself to peering outside.   
  
A dark figure moved down at ground level. When he leaned over to get a better look, the figure turned. Evil red eyes burned into his. Then it was gone.   
  
Mulder tossed in his bed for the rest of the night.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
The next day, they decided to examine the entire mansion. Opening the door to a spare bedroom, Mulder spotted something that caused him to cry out, "Pooh!"   
  
Scully, a few steps behind him, shook her head slowly. "You sounded way too excited when you said that," she told him.  
  
"No, look. Winnie the Pooh." Mulder entered the room and picked the stuffed animal up off the floor.   
  
Scully pondered for a moment, then said, "Like I said…"  
  
Ignoring her, Mulder placed Pooh on the bed and began to open drawers, not completely certain what he was looking for.   
  
Scully picked up the stuffed bear and hugged it. "Mmm…so warm and fuzzy." She closed her eyes, a smile on her lips. Mulder paused in mid-rummaging to watch her. Ah, such beautiful lips. They parted, her tongue stroking the perfect skin of her bottom lip slowly and seductively. Mulder had to work to keep himself from panting. He tore his eyes away.   
  
"Mulder, come here," Scully said firmly. Gathering his wits, Mulder turned slowly. Scully was lying on the bed, her shirt half unbuttoned. "Come here." Swallowing, Mulder took a few steps to the bed and sat gingerly on the edge.   
  
Scully giggled and pulled him up next to her. She looked into his green eyes. (Yes, green). Her breathing quickened. She brought her head close. Mulder had been wishing for this for his entire life since he met her. He leaned toward her, excited, and at the same time expecting…  
  
"Excuse me, have you seen Ron? I am trying to get him to put on some pants. It turns out, he has not had any clothes on since last night. How about that?" Sirius said from the doorway.   
  
Scully held her shirt closed. "No," Mulder said. "We haven't seen him." *Go away, just nod and go away*  
  
"Will you help me look? I would not want another incident like last night to happen."   
  
"Just give me a minute," Scully said, buttoning her shirt. She looked helplessly at Mulder. "Go on ahead. I'll catch up in a minute."   
  
On the point of screaming in frustration, Mulder walked stiffly from the room, giving Scully a sidelong glance. Her eyes took in his gaze and melted him.   
  
"Sirius.." Mulder began, once they were out in the hall.   
  
"You know, this happened before. I told him then, he would wear a dress for an entire day, a frilly pink one, if he could not keep his clothes on, but he just- oh, did you want to say something?"   
  
"Um…well, that is…ugh, forget it." Mulder spun away and walked down a hall. He sporadically checked rooms to see if Ron was there, but it was a half-hearted effort. He could not stop thinking about Scully. Not that he really *ever* stopped thinking about her, but now… he could not believe that two times his dream had just been interrupted. He was so angry that he opened a door, found Ron prancing nude, and closed the door again without mentioning it.   
  
Still searching later (apparently not having noticed that Ron had already been found), Mulder opened a door on the first floor, and evil red eyes glared through the window. A surprised shout escaped him.   
  
Hermione and Sirius heard, and came running. By then the eyes were gone. "What is it?"   
  
"These red eyes," Mulder explained. "I saw someone with red eyes yesterday, too. At night." He did not add that they scared him.   
  
"Voldemort," Sirius growled. "Well, nothing to do now." He and Hermione left, talking quietly.   
  
Mulder tried to shake off the image of the eyes. Scully came into the room. "I heard a shout. I knew it was you. What happened?"   
  
Mulder did not answer. He looked at her, wishing that something else could happen, and this time Sirius wouldn't be there to interrupt it.   
  
The eyes appeared at the window again. Scully gasped and jumped into Mulder's arms, which he had thrown protectively around her. In another flash, the red eyes had disappeared again.   
  
"Why do they keep doing that?" Mulder muttered. "Are you okay?"   
  
"I'm fine," she breathed.   
  
The perfect moment. Mulder pondered whether he should or not. That took all of one second. His face leaned down, closer to hers. Their lips just barely touched, brushing teasingly against each other, almost as though they did not dare do more. Her lips were so soft…  
  
"I left my wand in here, I think," Sirius's voice was heard out in the hall.   
  
Mulder cursed. To his surprise, Scully seemed angry, as well.   
  
"Ah! There is my wand," Sirius pointed, pushing the door open.   
  
"You didn't even have your wand out in here!" Mulder burst out indignantly.   
  
Picking up the wooden rod, Sirius shrugged innocently. "Well, I lose my wand in the oddest places sometimes."   
  
"AARGH!" Mulder stormed out of the room. That Bastard, with a capital B.  
(A/N: and that rhymes with P and that stands for Pool! Sorry, I had to. I'm in The Music Man at our school!)  
  
Between the night before, when he had seen the figure, and the night after this particular incident, Mulder was able to get about two hours of sleep. The next morning he knew he looked terrible, but he didn't care.   
  
Mulder spent most of the day avoiding everyone. Later, in the kitchen, Scully came in. Looking in the fridge, she withdrew a can of whipped cream. They both looked at the can, and then at each other. They looked back at the can. She carefully put it back in the refrigerator. Without saying a word, they both left the kitchen through opposite doors.   
  
End  
  
Haha! wasn't that fun? Next chapter- Laundry day, the appearance of Admiral Jenkins, and puce underwear. That's puce, not puke. Eww. What a gross thought. Anyway, I like how the story is turning out so far. I'm glad other people like it too. Please Review. :) 


	5. 3 Laundry Day

I saw Rocky Horror today- the midnight showing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was amazing. I highly recommend it. The live version or the theater, doesn't matter, though live is incredible. Anyway, this chapter should be a little shorter. Finally, you get to meet Admiral Jenkins, who is the *only* thing in the story that I own.  
  
Chapter 3- Laundry Day  
  
"I absolutely cannot stand this any longer," Scully announced after having walked into the kitchen in the morning. "I need to wash my clothes."   
  
This being the third morning they had spent in the mansion wearing the same clothes, the others heartily agreed with her.   
  
"All we have to do is find the washing machine," she said as she sat at the table.   
  
"What, there's something we *didn't* find?" Mulder remarked. After combing the building top to bottom, they had found nothing of use. He scooped another handful of sunflower seeds.   
  
"Well, there has to be some way we can wash our clothes. I'll do it in the bathtub or the sink if I have to," Scully said firmly.  
  
"Let's get to it then," Mulder sighed. He would have preferred to finish the sunflower seeds first, but Scully had already stood and started toward the living room.   
  
The magical people joined them in walking the halls in search of a washing machine. It was an uneventful and fruitless search, at first. Then they heard a voice.   
  
"Halt!"   
  
They looked around, but found no one. All five exchanging glances, they shrugged and started off again.   
  
"Report!"   
  
They stopped. None of them saw anyone, they were still alone.   
  
"Down here!"   
  
Simultaneously, Mulder, Scully, Ron, Hermione, and Sirius looked down at a brightly colored spot on the floor. The spot was actually a man- or at least, they thought so- though with very odd traits. He was two inches tall, and dressed in flourescent pink army clothes with a bright yellow helmet.   
  
"Who are you?" Ron asked.   
  
"Admiral Jenkins!"   
  
"Um, I'm Ron…" the introductions went around. Admiral Jenkins appeared to be nodding to all of them, though it was hard to see very much, since he was so small.   
  
"What can Admiral Jenkins do to help these fine people!" Everything he said was an exclamation, and as well they were. His voice was comparatively quiet.  
  
"We're looking for a laundry room, to wash our clothes."   
  
"Ah, Admiral Jenkins sees! Come this way, Admiral Jenkins will debrief you!" He turned and began to march away, though each step only took him about a quarter of an inch.   
  
"On a first date?" Mulder muttered. He was answered by a sharp look from Scully. Evidently she *really* wanted to wash her clothes.   
  
Admiral Jenkins led them on through the house and into a spacious room with as few snakes as they had seen in any of the others. They saw a washing machine, and a dryer next to it. Piled up on some shelves in the corners were colorful, soft robes. Apparently, some people did not like to wear clothes while they did their laundry.   
  
Each of them took a robe. Everyone turned toward the wall and began to undress, Hermione and Scully covering themselves as best they could with their robes the entire time. Mulder could not help glancing over at Scully, her smooth, white skin, her strong, shapely body… *No! Just stop for five seconds, will you!*  
  
They all threw their clothes in and started the wash. They waited in their colorful robes, Mulder in red, Sirius in purple, Scully in a very flattering blue, Hermione in black, and Ron in green. With his red hair, he looked like a Christmas ornament. He seemed very reluctant to wear the robe at all. The first time he began to undress, Sirius gave him a shocking revelation of a warning, having to do with a cauldron full of botuber pus and dragon's blood. Afterward his hand drifted to the knot many times, but each time he let his hand drop with a murderous glance toward Sirius. He resolved to pout for the remainder of their laundry adventure.   
  
"Admiral Jenkins, how did you come to be here?" Sirius asked.   
  
"Admiral Jenkins has been here for quite some time! Admiral Jenkins cannot remember when Admiral Jenkins came here, or whether he did! Admiral Jenkins has top-secret orders in regards to this house, and Admiral Jenkins will honor them to the death!"   
  
"What kind of orders?" Mulder asked innocently.   
  
"Top-secret ones!" Admiral Jenkins repeated gravely.   
  
"Ah, that kind," Mulder said thoughtfully. Scully raised an eyebrow at him. Mulder held up his crossed fingers in front of himself, as though to ward off evil comments.   
  
Approximately an hour later, the dryer sounded. They began to sort through their clothes.   
  
"Um… whose are *these*?" Ron asked. He held up a pair of tiny underwear, red with pink hearts.   
  
With a short glance at them, Scully grinned and went back to her own clothes. Mulder felt himself go red as he snatched his underwear from the boy's hand. Ron snorted loudly, and Hermione joined Scully in a knowing smile.   
  
"You should not laugh, Ron," Sirius admonished. "I think his underpants are very attractive."   
  
"Uh, thanks, Sirius, I think," Mulder rushed as he quickly pulled them on.   
  
"Why, what are *yours* like?" Ron sneered.  
  
"My underwear? Puce," Sirius answered. He gathered his clothes and walked proudly from the room.   
  
Later, when they were all properly clothed once again (except Ron, who had managed to leave his shirt off without comment. His hand drifted to his belt often), they heard Ron mutter, "Puce?" and scratch his head. Hermione shook hers disapprovingly.   
  
"Where is Sirius? We haven't seen him since he left the laundry room," Mulder wondered.   
  
"He's probably off talking to his little toe, or something," Ron said, and laughed. A moment later, Sirius entered the room.   
  
"Hey, no fair!" Ron exclaimed.   
  
"What?" Sirius asked, stopping in his tracks.   
  
"If you don't have to wear pants, then neither do I!"   
  
Sirius looked down. "I suppose I am not wearing pants, am I. Well, that is unusual…" he continued to babble on under his breath, and no one could hear what he said. Ron folded his arms and stuck out his lower lip. Hermione rolled her eyes at him as Sirius wandered from the room.   
  
Darkness had started to fall. The day was ending. Mulder saw a pair of red eyes flash outside the window, but in a split second, they were gone.   
  
Ron muttered, "Puce?" and scratched his head.   
  
End  
  
Next chapter- Ron makes up spells! Can you spell catastrophe? 


	6. 4 Can You Spell Catastrophe?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! I'm becoming like all the people who never update their stories. They drive me crazy. Anyway, in this chapter Ron is making up spells. Get it, *spell* catastrophe. Haha. yeah.   
Disclaimer: I own nothing except Admiral Jenkins. Extra disclaimer: I don't actually watch X-Files regularly. If I did there might be a reference to another episode, but I don't.   
  
Chapter 4- Can You Spell Catastrophe  
  
The three men jumped as a shriek resonated through the mansion. They stopped throwing sunflower seeds into each other's mouths to gaze, bewildered, around the room. A moment later, Hermione ran into the kitchen in her black robe and halted two inches from Ron. Her hands were clenched in tight fists and her eyes flashed with anger. Her skin and hair were stained with coral-colored water. The water dripped from her while seeping in. Ron's eye's widened. "Bloody hell, it worked," he muttered.   
  
"What did you do," Hermione demanded in a tightly controlled voice.   
  
"It was just a simple spell I was trying out," Ron shrugged in answer. "I really didn't think it would work."   
  
"Undo it now!" Hermione screamed. Muttering, he got up from the table and left the kitchen, throwing a sunflower seed toward Sirius. Glaring, Hermione followed. Mulder and Sirius sat silently for a few minutes, until Mulder grinned and threw a seed at Sirius, who caught it in his mouth a threw one back.   
  
When Scully walked in, she rolled her eyes, but could not hide her smile. "What was that all about?" she asked.   
  
"Oh, that was just-" Sirius cut himself off when Hermione entered. She was still glaring, though no longer pink. She took out some bread and began furiously buttering it. Sirius cleared his throat. "Are you planning to butter that bread to death?" Hermione glared at him, but stopped buttering. "What did he do this time?"   
  
"He tampered with my spell books!" Hermione exploded. "I can't read them now! They're all in ancient runes. My ancient runes book is even in ancient runes! Arghh! How can I study? He doesn't know the counter spell, either. I cannot believe him!" She took a large bite of bread and spat it back out on the plate. "How can anyone eat something with so much butter?"   
  
Sirius sighed, dropping a handful of sunflower seeds back in the bowl as he stood. "Come on, Hermione, I'll help you figure it out." They left, Sirius with a regretful look at the bowl of seeds, Hermione glaring straight ahead.   
  
A few minutes later, Ron poked his head in the kitchen. He sat down with a relieved sigh. He picked up the heavily lathered bread and bit into it. "Brilliant," he said. "What genius did this?" He did not wait for an answer before finishing it off. "There must be more butter than bread."   
  
Mulder threw a sunflower seed. It hit Ron in the eye. "What did you do that for?" Ron said, holding a hand to his eye. Mulder raised his hands in resignation. He was beginning to wonder about these people.   
  
*Beginning to wonder. I've been wondering since they arrived.*  
  
Hermione came into the kitchen clutching a book. She walked over to Ron and smacked him with it.   
  
"Ow!" Ron rubbed his arm.   
  
"That was for messing with my books," Hermione said matter-of-factly. With a wave of her wand, she started a pot of water boiling.   
  
"Where's Sirius?"   
  
"Oh, he's up in his room. It seems his books were also switched to ancient runes." Hermione smiled sweetly at Ron. He gulped.   
  
Ron was just rising when Sirius burst into the room, wand in hand. Jumping back, Ron pulled out his own wand. "You'll pay for that one, Ron." Sirius opened his mouth, but Ron beat him to it.   
  
"Marshmallis Explosus!"  
  
Before any of them could react, the entire room, including the people in it, was covered in marshmallow. Mulder licked his lips clear. Yep, marshmallow. He began to eat it off his hands.   
  
Sirius burst out laughing. "Wherever did you learn that?"   
  
"Just something I picked up last month." Ron grinned sheepishly. "I even know the counter spell to this one." Ron appeared to want to play in it, but Hermione did not seem ready to let him. "Okay, okay. I'll clean it up. Ahem. Marshmallis disapparatus!"   
  
Instantly, the kitchen and five people in it were left without a trace of marshmallow. Mulder was a little disappointed.   
  
Admiral Jenkins walked in a moment later. "What did I miss?"   
  
************************************************************************  
  
Ron was the only one missing from the living room that afternoon. Hermione was curled up in an armchair, studying ancient runes. Scully and Sirius were quietly discussing the vices of people they worked with. From across the room, Mulder stared at Scully. A vast array of thoughts crossed his mind. *How silky is her hair*, he thought gushily. *How soft is her skin. How firm are her… hands! Hands! Stop that! Bad Mulder! Very, very bad…*   
  
Shaking his head did not clear the image of Scully lying across the bed, her shirt mostly unbuttoned. He tried slapping himself.   
  
"What are you doing, Mulder?" Scully said suspiciously.   
  
He shrugged. Then from down the hall, the four of them heard, "Skunkilius non odorus!"   
  
A moment later, a skunk waddled into the living room. It sniffed about a little. It sprayed, producing… nothing. Surprisingly, the skunk did not smell at all. It attached itself to Hermione.   
  
Ron entered, grinning. "This one worked better than I thought."   
  
"Ron, what is this?"   
  
"A skunk with no scent! Isn't it great?"   
  
"It's humping my leg," Hermione said, crossing her arms.   
  
"Well, there are bound to be side effects," Ron frowned. "I mean, he's an odorless skunk, do you expect him *not* to be horny?"   
  
Sighing in annoyance, Hermione got out her wand and spoke through clenched teeth. "Finite Incantato."   
  
The skunk disappeared in a puff of smoke. "Aw, come on, Hermione," Ron pleaded. "He wasn't doing anything."   
  
Hermione looked at him incredulously. "He- was- humping- my- leg!" Clicking her tongue, she closed up her books and stood. "I am trying to study, to learn a little something before we start our seventh year, and you bring a skunk to shag my leg. That's just great. I'm leaving."   
  
Ron looked around at the rest of them as Hermione stormed out. "What did I do?" he asked.   
  
Mulder still thinking about Scully, did not answer. Scully rolled her eyes, and Sirius batted his eyelashes and grinned.   
  
That night, they had cheeseburgers for dinner. "Tomorrow, maybe we can have pizza," Sirius suggested as they sat down. Ron was muttering to himself, but no one heard anything he said until they had finished eating.   
  
"Maybe I can alter that spell to use for other things." Ron looked slyly down at his body. He picked up his wand from the table. "Hmm. Vestia disapparatus!"   
  
Hermione tried not to laugh. Scully stared at the ceiling. Mulder joined Scully. Sirius started to speak, but Hermione managed first. "Ron, really. Okay, if this is what it takes…listen, you stop making up spells- and keep your clothes on for the rest of the time we're here- I'll buy you candy from the trolley on the Hogwarts Express."   
  
Ron pulled a considering face. "And if I refuse?"   
  
"Well," Hermione hesitated, "I can think of some animals you wouldn't like humping your leg. A flobberworm, for instance."   
  
"A flobberworm!" Ron exclaimed, laughing. "They don't even have- you know-"   
  
"Oh, it's surprising what a little spell can do." Hermione rested her chin on her hands and smiled  
  
Ron choked on his laughter and shuddered. Probably at the thought of a horny flobberworm, whatever that was. "Okay, but you have to get me a lot of candy. And it has to be your money."   
  
"Don't worry about that," Hermione waved a hand. "Mum and Dad gave me lots of extra spending money this year. But I won't do it if you don't put some clothes on now, and *keep* them on." Her voice was as stern and commanding as Scully's had ever been.   
  
Ron looked down. "Oh yeah," he sighed. Very reluctantly, he pointed his wand. "Vestia apparatus." All his clothes reappeared on the spot.   
  
Hermione's smile never faltered. "That's better."   
  
End.   
  
No previews this time. More to come soon. Please review. Thanks!!!! 


	7. 5 Random Silly Chapter

A blurb.   
  
Chapter 5- Random Silly Chapter  
  
Once upon a time there was a sunflower seed monster. It went up to an attractive green-eyed man named Mulder one day and…  
  
(A/N: alternate endings. Pick your favorite!!!!!!)   
  
Ending 1: …fell in love with him. Mulder was not ready for this type of commitment with a sunflower seed monster. He spent the better part of a year creating sunflower-seed-monster- repellent.   
  
Ending 2: …roared into his face. Mulder, startled, ran through the halls until the monster was tired out, passing Scully several times in the process. Each time, she said, "What the…" and Mulder gestured for her to go back in her room. Eventually the monster collapsed from exhaustion. Mulder invited Sirius in munching on the sunflower seed monster, and they chewed merrily.   
  
Ending 3: …offered him a sunflower seed. Mulder, though curious as to why a sunflower seed monster had shown up there, never passed up a sunflower seed. He continued daydreaming about Scully, and he chewed merrily. The monster, satisfied that it had made Mulder's day that much better, left. They both lived happily for at least a little while after.   
  
THE END  
  
End.   
  
I realize this chapter had nothing to do with the story. That's because it's a Random Silly Chapter. It's not supposed to. But the next chapter… dum dum dum!! I'll get back to the real plot. :) Please review. 


	8. 6 The Man Who Wouldn't Die

Aaahhhhh. A real chapter.   
  
Chapter 6- The Man Who Wouldn't Die  
  
Mulder nearly dropped his glass. There, standing in the middle of the kitchen, was a tall figure in a long black hooded cloak. His face and hands were disturbingly skeletal. The figure drew back its sleeve a few inches to check its watch. It was the strangest watch Mulder had ever seen, with dials and four digital screens.   
  
"I can't believe this," the skeleton man said. "As if my job isn't difficult enough, people can't even die on schedule. I was sure-" He broke off and checked his watch again. "Yes, someone was supposed to die right now. Okay, who hasn't died here?" He sounded as though he were about to berate someone thoroughly if they did not die on the spot.   
  
"You're-" Mulder began. He could barely manage the rest of the sentence. "You're Death."   
  
"Who did you expect, the tooth fairy? Wait, you can see me, that means you were supposed to die! Why aren't you dead?"   
  
"Well, I-" Mulder didn't know what to say. Scully entered at that moment, gasped and dropped her glass. Mulder bent to catch it, his catlike reflexes kicking in for once.   
  
"Yes, it says here," Death said, reading from a tiny scroll, " 'Fox Mulder, FBI agent, August 13-"  
  
"NO!" Scully bellowed. Death and Mulder both looked wide-eyed at her. "NO! You cannot have him, do you hear me? You have no idea how many times this man has 'died'. And you will not take him this time! I will not be left alone again! DO YOU HEAR ME?!!"   
  
Death took a few seconds to continue staring at her, his eye sockets still wide with surprise. He read the rest of the scroll. "Food poisoning, sunflower seeds."   
  
Mulder almost laughed. "If I was going to die from sunflower seed poisoning, I would have done so a long time ago."   
  
Death did not appear phased. (A/N: I mean, it's Death, you know?) "Well, I cannot take you if you aren't actually dead. As a matter of fact, I think I do remember you. Your soul wouldn't come away. So I just left you there." Turning, Death's skeletal grin appeared to widen. "I bet I'll have a hard time getting you to come with me, Dana Scully. But not for a long time. Long. Well, I have deaths to attend to. If you would excuse me-" and Death was gone.   
  
"Scully-"   
  
"Please. Just don't say anything, Mulder. You are not allowed to die again until after I've died at least once."   
  
Mulder couldn't help smiling as she stalked from the kitchen.   
  
************************************************************************  
  
"Where is Harry? I swear, if I have to stay in here any longer, I'll go mad!!" Ron was having a very difficult time keeping his agreement with Hermione. He kept looking wistfully at his clothes, wishing they were not there. But apparently he liked candy more than he liked nudity.   
  
"*Go* mad?" Hermione muttered. She was reading again, though Mulder could not tell what about.   
  
Ron glared at her. "This is all your fault. You and your schemes of candy. Curse you!"   
  
"My fault? Hold on a minute! I believe it was Sirius's idea to come here in the first place, and it was your own spell that made you fall in love with your own bare body!! And I am not the Parselmouth who has not shown up yet! Don't you dare blame me!"   
  
After glowering for a good fifteen minutes, Hermione left the room, not even bothering to slam her book shut. Ron attempted to make obscene gestures after her, but all he managed was unbuttoning his shirt a bit.   
  
Mulder watched Ron sit down with a huff. The young redhead turned to him. "What am I going to do about her?"   
  
"I had a best friend, back when I was young," Mulder began. "Wait, don't interrupt. I never get to tell this story. Anyway, we did everything together. We never went anywhere without each other. I thought we would be friends until the day after forever."   
  
"What happened?"   
  
"When I was twelve, he threw up in my fish tank."   
  
"Uh…your fish tank?"   
  
Scully, who had just entered, rolled her eyes and groaned, "ugh, not the fish tank story again." Mulder shook his head at her.   
  
"I thought you said you never get to tell this story."   
  
"That tank held an alien fish, proof of my long time theory that we are not alone in the universe." Mulder wanted to sound defensive, but even he thought his claim was unbelievable.   
  
"Yeah, okay. So-"   
  
"The point is, I got so mad at him, I decided to get back at him. I- well, I played a prank on him. A bad one. He never forgave me, and I don't blame him. I know that I should have just let it go. I mean, I had had the fish for a year, and had not managed to convince anyone of its extraterrestrial origins. Even though I never fed him the whole time I had him. But my friend's vomit killed him sure enough."   
  
"Okay, yeah. I think I get what you're saying. I'm gonna go throw up in Hermione's fish tank. I'm just kidding! I'm gonna go apologize."   
  
Ron left, and Mulder sat back in his chair, glad his story might have helped someone. Sure enough, Ron and Hermione did not argue again until a day later, when he snorted into his breakfast, spraying it on her new shirt. But that was normal.   
  
Sirius looked up from the table that morning when a sharp tapping sounded on the window. "Hedwig!"   
  
A snowy owl fluttered just outside. She held and envelope clutched in her beak. Sirius knew the window wouldn't open, but how would you explain something like that to an owl? However, a moment later, the owl was flying off in another direction.   
  
"Guys, good news. I think Harry's going to arrive soon. I think that's why he sent Hedwig, to tell us he's on his way."   
  
Hermione and Ron sighed with relief. Mulder and Scully was not sure exactly what they should think about that, but they also knew, from Chapter 1, that this would mean release from this damned mansion.   
  
Later on, Mulder almost did not notice when Scully walked by his room in a revealing slip nightdress. She winked at him as she glided into her room. God, how he wanted her. But that could not happen, at least not now. Mulder was so distracted, it took him a few moments to realize that the red eyes had appeared outside his window once again.  
  
End.   
  
Okay, so there's chapter 6. I'm losing inspiration. I think about two more chapters should do it, and an epilogue. Yeah. Anyway, please review!! Mwah. Thanks to the TWO people who have reviewed so far. YEAH, I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	9. 7 Magic and Mayhem

Okay, here goes. This is the climax of the story- Harry shows up, a little head to head with Voldemort, and parting ways. I'm busy with other fanfics, I haven't really had time to write. But I have time now- no homework! So I'm gonna finish off the story.   
  
Chapter 7- Magic and Mayhem  
  
Mulder groaned and pushed himself off the couch when the knocking didn't stop. He trudged toward the door. He stopped when he saw the raven-haired boy standing patiently on the porch. Looking questioningly at Mulder, he waved and motioned for him to open the door. Mulder held up one finger and disappeared up the stairs.   
  
"Um, Sirius? Are you in here?" Mulder stood outside the door to Sirius's room.   
  
"Yes, what is it?"   
  
"There's a boy outside the door who wants to come in…"   
  
Sirius opened the door. "Is it Harry?" he asked excitedly.   
  
"Is what Harry?" Ron asked. He and Hermione had just come out of his room.   
  
"Someone's at the door." Mulder said. The three of them raced downstairs. Scully, rounding the corner, gave him a 'what's going on' look. He shrugged and followed the others. He reached the door just in time to find Hermione drawing a snake with her wand.   
  
Though Mulder was not sure how this was supposed to help, the boy apparently comprehended. He stared at a spot on the door, probably the snake knocker. Mulder saw his mouth move, and the door made a loud show of unlocking and opened slowly.   
  
"Harry!" Hermione and Ron jumped on him simultaneously, Ron's bulk knocking him backwards. After staggering under their combined weight for a minute, he hugged Sirius.   
  
"Hi, I'm Harry Potter," he said, holding out a hand to Mulder.   
  
"I'm Special Agent Mulder, of the FBI. This is my partner, Special Agent Scully." He shook Harry's hand solemnly.   
  
"What, Frenzied Blokes In bikinis?" Harry joked.   
  
Mulder stared incredulously. No way they could all come up with the same one. No possible way. Mulder was having the time of his life, being there with these magical people.   
  
"Harry, where's your trunk?" Sirius asked.   
  
"I came from Ron's house. My stuff is there. Only a week left until start of term, so I figured I'd come to find you." He grinned sheepishly. "Sorry I'm so late. I couldn't get away from my uncle's house until a few days later than I planned. Then I…I got lost. Oh, shut up, Ron! You weren't the one looking for the house. It's really hard to find."   
  
"Yeah, it is," Mulder agreed. Everyone there, including Scully, turned slowly to look at him. "Well, it is," he repeated quietly.   
  
"Anyway, after a while, I just decided to go to the Weasleys', and from there I could find this place."   
  
"So what-?" That was as far as Sirius got before he was distracted by a rustling of bushes. An evil laugh sounded, and they saw a glow of red eyes. Some of them knew what this meant. The others- Mulder and Scully- didn't.   
  
"Come on!" Sirius said. He ran as fast as he could up the stairs. The remaining five ran up after him. And up. And up…And up.   
  
"Crucio!"   
  
Suddenly Ron had fallen, writhing on the floor, screaming in pain. Hermione struggled against Sirius's arms to run to him. Harry, however, was untrammeled. He turned and raced back down, aiming a spell at the dark man. When he turned to counter it, their wands connected with a beam of yellow light.   
  
"Harry, what are you doing?" Ron gasped. He was still in pain from a few moments before.   
  
"Don't worry, Ron. Just go."   
  
"Harry…"   
  
"Don't argue! I know what I'm doing. Sirius, get Ron away."   
  
Ron did appear to have trouble standing by himself. Sirius and Hermione dragged him away from Harry and the other man- whom Mulder now knew to be Voldemort. Mulder himself would have helped, but his arms were full- full with Scully. She had pressed herself against him just as Ron fell, and his arms were wrapped protectively around her. She was shaking uncontrollably, and every once in a while a sharp cry would escape her.   
  
"You cannot defeat me, Harry Potter! Give in now!"   
  
"You can't defeat me either, from what I've seen." The man's red eyes glowed more intensely, if possible.   
  
None of the others had moved. They were disturbingly enthralled by what was happening. Mulder did not think Scully could move. He held her tightly. Glancing over, he saw that Ron had placed an arm around a wide-eyed Hermione. For once, she did not seem to have an answer.   
  
"Sirius, do something!"   
  
"Like what?"   
  
"Something!"   
  
Harry's legs were too stiff, as though he would fall if his knees weren't severely locked. Mulder knew that neither he nor Scully could have done anything in any circumstance. This was a battle between wizards.   
  
There was a long period of strained silence. Voldemort looked too furious to speak. Harry could not waste concentration on words. Mulder only worried about Scully, who continued to shake violently. She was now whimpering steadily, and he saw tears glistening in her eyes.   
  
Just as suddenly as Ron had fallen to the floor, Mulder heard one word bellowed.   
  
"Stupefy!"   
  
Voldemort fell to the floor in a cloud of smoke. The beam between the wands dissolved. Harry dropped weakly to his knees. Scully's legs ceased to support her, but Mulder held her tightly. Hermione, Ron, and Sirius all rushed to Harry's aid, kneeling beside him.   
  
"Scully! Scully, wake up." Her head was drooping back as though her neck was devoid of muscles. Her arms hung limply, and he was supporting her entire weight. Mulder lowered her gently to the floor, and started to do all he could to help her regain consciousness.   
  
Eventually, her eyes fluttered open. "What- Where am I?"   
  
"That mansion, remember? It's all right, Scully, we can leave now. We don't have to stay here any longer." Mulder smoothed her hair down as he supported her with one arm.   
  
"Where did he go?" Harry asked.   
  
"Who?" Mulder inquired, turning.   
  
"Voldemort. He's just- gone." Mulder saw no trace of the man. He honestly hoped never to see a trace of him ever again.   
  
Scully recovered enough to stand, though not as quickly as Harry had. When they were finally all standing, Sirius scratched the back of his head. "You two would be leaving, then?"   
  
"Yes," Mulder said. "I think we're all sick of this place."   
  
"I don't know," Harry said. "It's kind of neat, actually."   
  
Hermione and Ron gave him very obvious looks of disbelief. "Didn't you notice the likeness to certain other places we wouldn't want to be?"   
  
"You mean the snakes? Yes, I noticed. I thought it was rather wicked." Seeing the looks on their faces, he burst out laughing. "You are so gullible. Of course I'm kidding. Didn't you think I'd guessed why there were snakes everywhere?"   
  
Ron grinned sheepishly, but Hermione eyed him sternly. "That was not funny. If that was your idea of a joke, then you need a new idea of humor."   
  
"But apparently there's nothing wrong with yours."   
  
"I don't think you want to see my humor right now, Ron Weasley. You both better watch out, you might find all *your* textbooks written in Goblin." Harry and Ron exchanged disgusted looks.   
  
Sirius stepped up to Mulder and shook his hand. "Goodbye, Mulder. It was nice to meet you." He kissed Scully's hand. "Goodbye, Scully."   
  
She managed a weak nod.   
  
After they had exchanged the rest of their parting words, Mulder and Scully walked out the door. To their relief, the car was still there.   
  
End.   
  
There's the last chapter. There's still an epilogue, so don't go anywhere yet. I promise you'll like it. 


	10. Epilogue I Don't Know

Duhn duhn Daaaaaaaaaaa! Here it is folks, the very end of my story. I'd like to thank my two loyal readers of this particular story. At least, they reviewed, so I assume they read it.   
  
Epilogue- I Don't Know  
  
Mulder knocked again on Scully's door. She opened it slowly. She looked tired and surprised to see him there. "Hi." She sounded just as she looked.   
  
"Uh, can I come in?" Mulder said after about two minutes.   
  
"Oh, yeah. Sorry."   
  
He closed the door behind him as he stepped into the apartment. "Scully, are you all right?" He knew what her answer would be, but he had to ask.   
  
After studying him for a moment, she looked at the floor. "I don't know."   
  
Mulder was shocked. This was the first time, in all the time he had known her, that she had said something other than "I'm fine" in response to that question. This was really opening up for her. She had become unpredictable. Knowing that she would stop if he pressed her, he waited for her to speak.   
  
"As soon as Ron fell…" She closed her eyes, trying to hide her tears. It did not work; they leaked out from behind her lids and streaked down her cheeks. "I saw these visions. They were of you, you being tortured that same way, whatever it was. And I knew you were going to die…and I would never get to tell you…"   
  
Mulder's heart almost stopped. "Tell me what?" He said quietly.   
  
Scully could not speak for a full minute. She sniffled a little and looked up at him. Crying as he had never known her to do, she said, "I love you."   
  
Mulder's heart did stop. When it started again, it was pounding so hard, he thought it was about to leap out of his chest. He had never felt so light before. Scully looked down at the floor and cried.   
  
"You have no idea how long I have waited to hear those words," he said. She met his eyes. A smile shone brilliantly through her tears. Mulder stared at her. He could barely breathe. "You are so beautiful."   
  
Her smile widened. That was all the prompt he needed to sweep her up into his arms and kiss her.   
  
End.   
  
So, there it is. I hope you enjoyed it. Anyone who reads this, I encourage you- no, I plead you to check out my other stories. If you don't like them after the first few paragraphs, don't read them, but if you do… that's great!   
  
Just as a warning, the wheel of time fic will probably confuse anyone who has not read the books. If you choose to read it, then prepare to be confused.   
  
Please Review. Thanks!!   
  
~Plaidly Lush 


End file.
